Picture #655 …

So … I woke up today … ran downstairs and headed for the kitchen … needed some caffeine. It’s quiet in the house so I easily hear grocery bags rustling in a lower cupboard … I figure … GREAT … a mouse … and what popped it’s head out of the middle of my bucket of cleaning supplies was NOT a mouse …

Well THAT was the first time I have ever screamed bloody murder … OMF-inG its a FREAKING HUGE RAT!! … insert a multitude of obscenities (that alone was priceless LOL) … umm … well … he SCARED meeee … and I scared the pants off of him too cuz he jumped out of the cupboard … this is when I saw his fluffy tail … ok … it’s a squirrel … still …

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

… he proceded to run around my tiny kitchen … have you seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation … yeahp … that was running thru my head … cuz he was fast and jumped all over everything … YES … on every freaking surface around my entire kitchen … lovely … it WAS clean … LOL …

… well eventually … whether due to my annoying screaming or him getting tired … he headed for the basement stairs and I ran upstairs LOL …

… omg … this was YouTube worthy …

… so … how did I get Mr Squirrel to get the heck out of my basement???? Well running around chasing him didn’t work. He just embedded for the long haul!

… insert a new flood of obscenities directed at the poor squirrel’s parentage …

Well I call Animal Control … which doesn’t exist to help anyone in this type of situation … I was directed to call the Willowbrook Wildlife Preserve for some advice … 

Ya know … the lady was nice … a bit of a tree hugger but nice … all I really found out was that I couldn’t kill it … it’s against the law … hmph … I could kill an armed intruder but not a freaking psychotic SQUIRREL?!! OK … I didn’t want to kill him … but I DID want him out of my house!!!

It’s the LAST day of my work month … I have lots of WORK TO DO!!

Stupid F-ing squirrel … yes … the profanity filter was off again!!

Of course … I was more scared than mad … in fact I got a good laugh out of it … but boy did I scream and boy did my heart race … LOL 

So how DO you get a squirrel out of your house and manage to annoy the neighbors at the same time? Well here is what I did. 

Keep in mind that I couldn’t just open a door and wait for him to leave … I had to work … and I NEEDED to KNOW for SURE that he was long GONE …

1 – Pour flour on the basement landing … the square section of floor between the basement stairs and the back door.

2 – Open a jar of chunky peanut butter and put it in the middle of that section of floor.

3 – Go upstairs … find the most annoying playlist and crank it.

4 – Go down to the living room stereo … insert a few playlist CDs … “Vacation 2007″ worked great … and turn it UP to concert level … so the neighbors 2 doors down can hear it.

5 – Lastly … open the back door and go work …

A half hour later I checked … and above you can see the little squirrel footprints hoofin’ it out the back door … so … that’s how you get rid of an unwanted guest. 

I suppose that might work on people who overstay their welcome too ;o)

I missed these playlists … LOL! 

Happy Freaky Friday!                
Twains
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